The child does not want to go to school, is afraid of the teacher: what to do?

One of the common reasons why a child does not want to go to school and learn go math grade 3 in elementary grades is the lack of contact with the teacher. This is especially important for sensitive children, insecure. Sometimes it comes to the point that the child is afraid of the teacher. What to do? Become an advocate for your child and learn how to speak properly with the teacher and headmaster, if needed.

“I’m so tired,” Tara sighed heavily. – I’m tired of the teacher constantly complaining about Kara. She misses school more often than goes there. My daughter got sick, and at first we thought she had the flu. But, apparently, the problem is much deeper. We suspect that Kara is simply afraid of her teacher.

She has never had a male teacher before, and this one loves to bark at children. No, he is not yelling at Kara, but she is so sensitive that she panics at the mere thought that someone might be angry with her.

We talked to the teacher and sent him emails, but he thinks we are just looking for an excuse for our daughter. When I talk to him, I get the impression that he does not listen to me, but thinks only about how to object to me and buy go math 4 grade.

We even turned to the director, but he said: “In life, Kara will have to deal with different people, and the girl needs to learn how to get along with them.” Of course, he is right in many ways, but the child is afraid – and this is bad. How can I change the system?

Tara really suffered. Her hunched back, lowered gaze and trembling voice betrayed her condition. What could be worse for a parent than the realization that he cannot protect his own child and does not know how to help him?

“Yes, sometimes, despite all the efforts of dads and moms, the child still faces problems at school,” I replied. – To find a solution, you need to become his lawyer. Being a protector is not easy. It takes time, effort and endurance. At times, you may feel powerless – and in vain. There are things you can do to make a difference.

We are acutely worried when our children face problems at school. We experience real emotional distress, which can be exacerbated by feelings of embarrassment for the child and memories of our own negative experiences at school. These emotions erect barriers and force everyone to become defensive.

The teacher knows that you are not satisfied with something, but he is an ordinary person. He may be stressed at home and at work. He is in charge of a large group of children whom he has to teach every day.

So that the educator does not consider your requirements excessive and listens to you, you must find the right approach. You don’t need to be overly assertive or demanding. More than ever, you will need good communication skills.

Talking to the teacher: step by step instructions
Make an appointment with your son or daughter’s teacher. Face-to-face communication is much more effective at solving problems than email.

To get the teacher to listen to you, agree with any of his statements, which you consider more or less fair, even if you have to change minus to plus to do so. For example, if Kara’s teacher says she is too emotional, Tara may say, “Yes, she is also very empathetic and caring at home.” By finding a common ground, you will set the educator to cooperate. He will stop defending himself and will be able to talk frankly.

Listen carefully to what the teacher says, and try to understand him, forgetting about your interests for a while. If something is not clear, ask for an explanation. Watch your intonation and speech! The teacher should feel that you are trying to understand him, not interrogating him. For example, if the teacher says that the child is not doing well, ask, “Can you give me a recent example?”

Dig deeper to find out exactly when the problem occurs. Does it happen on certain days, in all subjects, or is it just math tests? If the child misbehaved, was there a reason for the breakdown? And don’t forget to ask the teacher how he thought your child felt in that situation. This will help you determine what emotions may have caused the unacceptable act.

If you are unable to identify what emotions and needs can spoil your child’s school life, try analyzing his temperament. Perhaps the son or daughter is crying at the start of the school day because they can’t handle the switch quickly? Is the child pushing other children because he is introverted and needs space? Is it because he does not hear the teacher because he is very receptive and his table is next to the aquarium? Perhaps he is slow to complete tasks, because first he pays attention to the details, and only then it dawns on him where to start? Finding the true cause of the problem will allow you to come to a common denominator with your teacher. Connect the child to this – ask him what he thinks about when completing tasks, or what he feels in a given situation. His answer may surprise you.
When talking to a teacher, do not assume that he or she is well versed in matters of temperament. In pedagogical universities, the topic of temperament is considered very superficially, so you may be more knowledgeable than a teacher. It may not even have occurred to him that the inappropriate behavior of children might be due to their temperaments.

Continuing the conversation with the teacher: how to become your child’s advocate
Your sincere desire to listen to the teacher and understand the problem will reassure him and stimulate his willingness to listen to you in turn. Make sure you understand the instructor correctly.

After you have identified the teacher’s priorities, explain what is important to you. Focus on your interests, not position. For example, Tara might say, “I want Kara to feel comfortable at school,” rather than, “I want Kara to move from you to another class!” Focusing on interests avoids blame, which helps to remove defensive barriers and move towards a constructive solution.

Sometimes such a solution may already exist. If you were in class, note any techniques the teacher used to help your child. For example, if your child is having a hard time sitting still, you might say, “I’ve noticed that when you let Dylan lie on the floor, he is more focused and less distracted.” The best methods are those already used by the teacher, they just need to be applied either more often or in a different way. For example, you might say, “I noticed that when you did some exercises with the children in the middle of the lesson, Dylan sat quietly for the rest of the time. Is it possible to start a lesson with exercises? ”

As a last resort, you can refer to previous positive experiences, for example: “Last year Dylan was good at learning the material when Mrs. Romero used Learning Centers. Could you use this method too? ” or “Would you like to speak to Mrs. Romero? Perhaps she has ideas that might be useful to us. ”

Another source of solutions is the methods you use at home. However, you must first make sure that they will work in a team.

Remember that the teacher also has a temperament. He may be prone to negative initial reactions, adapt slowly, or be very stubborn. Don’t put pressure on him. Offer your ideas and arrange to meet and discuss them again.
Don’t forget about your own temperament. If you are hyperemotional, keep in mind that your emotions can spill out, despite your best efforts to remain cool. Bring a spouse or friend with you to continue the conversation if you need to leave the room and calm down. If you are an introvert and need time to think, ask for another meeting.
Didn’t it work with the teacher? How to talk to the director
If you don’t find a common language with your teacher, try other opportunities to fix the situation. Ask the headmaster or school counselor to meet with you and the teacher. A social worker, grandparent, kindergarten teacher, and anyone else who knows your child well may also be helpful.

Tara three weeks later. I immediately noticed her confident gait.

– I went to school. I decided that I would try to be a lawyer, as you advised, and not an prosecutor, ”the woman said (it was clear from her voice that the visit to the school was difficult for her). – But I could not think of how to convey my thoughts to the director and teacher.

And so, when I was sitting at a swimming lesson, it suddenly dawned on me: we do not teach children to swim, throwing them into the water away from the shore! First, we teach them in shallow water, where they can do something.

I immediately went to the headmaster of the school and said the following: “You are right: my daughter will have to deal with different people in her life, and she must learn to get along with them.” The director nodded his head in agreement. Then I continued: “But when we teach children to swim, we do not throw them straight into the water, but teach them gradually. I think we should do the same when we teach children to communicate. All children are different. It’s too deep for Kara, and she just sinks. ”

The director listened to me attentively! Then he called the teacher and we discussed the situation together. We decided to transfer Kara to another class – not because her teacher was bad, but because he was not suitable for Kara. This decision suited everyone, and the results were not long in coming. Over the past two weeks, Kara has not missed a single day!

Children with difficult temperaments can achieve great success in school. When parents, teachers and children themselves work as one team, when they all know what a difficult character is and how to manage it correctly, school turns into a source of positive emotions for the child.